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2003-06-10 - 11:37 p.m. well your mother likes my smile / and your father likes my lifestyle - rooney matt and i went out to dinner tonight. we went to a restaurant that i don't really like. i had a chef salad. i was chomping away, when my beloved says, "we didn't have to come here. we could have gone somewhere else". i told him it was totally fine. we had a pleasant dining experience. we talked, the salad was really good, and the waitress was super nice. she had rockin' gaydar. as we were leaving she said, "have a good night boys", in a very...knowing way. anyway, once we got in the car he was like, "i love you so much. let's go home". yaw-hooey!! later in bed, we had one of those amazing conversations that i love. i dig the whole intercourse / discourse thing. i know i say it a lot, and i feel like a geek sometimes, but, i fucking love that kid. don't get me started on what i mean by, 'feeling like a geek'. i....forget it. just forget it i know what i want to say, but i don't know how to say it. story of my life. san francisco in 3 days. so stoked about that. then we go visit my cousin for a coupla days. oh, did i mention that my cousin/best friend drove all the way down from up north just to attend my party? that's my fucking homegirl. that was a surprise too. i didn't know she was coming. so, so cool. i'm in the process of composing thank you cards for all in attendance. but like i said in my last entry, trying to convey how much they, plus what they did mean(s) to me is proving to be difficult. i'm stuck trying to be appreciative w/o being corny. you know what though? i am corny. i try so hard not to be, but i can't escape it. when people say they think i'm cool (it happens) i just want to laugh. if i were make-up i'd be concealer. seriously. i'm a selfish, insecure, vain, stubborn, dorky guy. basically an asshole. la liz says this, that all guys are at least 3 of the things i just mentioned. i'll buy that. i'm not some homo male basher either. i mean, c'mon, gay guys? puh-leeze. selfish? check. vain? double check. oh, by the way, i'm totally not complaining. just being honest about myself. when people say they don't see those things in me i just don't know who they think i am, you know? like what do they see? are they really looking at everything, or just the good stuff (there's good stuff). AND, if they are just looking at the good stuff, WHY? i look at everything. the only people in which i don't look at everything are people who i find unimportant. not to be mean, but like, work aquaintances, the guy at the video store, and random guys i've fucked are not people i want to know everything about. they're just not gonna be around long enough to invest the time in. i'm not mean to them in any way. i'm just not asking what kind of tree they'd be, you know? did i mention that i'm an asshole? later |
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