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2002-10-03 - 1:34 a.m. it was fucking strange - the strokes must see movie: igby goes down hot lie: claiming you don't watch television cool cheese: feta hey, i'm just sitting down, and my back is freaking out. i just finished having sex with my sweet boy, and i'm guessing my back has something to do with that. so, matt's sawing logs, and i'm watching conan. yesterday was my parents 31st wedding anniversary. that's so fucking cool. they've had their ups, and downs, believe me, but, all in all i'd say they have a good, solid, loving marriage. we're taking them out to dinner friday, and my dad is taking my mom to dinner on saturday. i love matt. just thought i'd throw that in there. so, after work, him and i drove to l.a., and hung with patches, and jose. we went to 3rd st. in santa monica, and saw igby goes down. it was very good. darkly, sadly funny i guess is how i'd describe it. everyone in it was great, but kieran/keiran culkin was brilliant. he's got a bright future, that one. after the movie, we went to best buy, and i got my strokes cd/dvd for 9.99. i was stoked. so, it was just a ventura county thing. jesus, don't even get me started on that. my back still hurts. anyway, after best buy we had dinner at this great italian place, and of course, i can't remember the name. like bella misto, but nothing actually close to that i'm sure. the bruchetta was delish, and the fettucini alfredo was the nuts. matt, and i shared, and patches said we made her sick because we were so cute. aaawwwwww, shut up. i got us free dessert. it was no big deal. the waiter was checking me out, and then complimented my sweater, and i got embarrassed, then he apologized, and i mumbled that it was fine, he said something about how adorable i was, and blah blah blah. nothing like that has happened in a really long time, and when it does, well, it's kinda sorta cool, you know? i don't know. whatever. but THEN, after dinner they teased me like a lot, and i got embarrassed, then mad, and instead of going for drinks, i acted like a baby, and refused to go. is that bad? i was a good sport...at first. then, it was like, okay dude, enough already. when matt pinches my cheeks, and says, oh, you're so cute, i fucking hate that! it drives me crazy, and he knows it. i think he's beautiful. he just is, you know? but you don't see me making fun of him, or bugging him about it. it just is what it is, and.............................................................boy, i must sound like a fucking douchebag. ugh, i'm sorry. i got over it, and everyone said sorry (which made me feel embarrassed AND stupid) and we all had a group hug - not. how did this entry that was supposed to be about having a great night out with good friends, and my best guy turn into me whining about trivial bullshit? i don't know. well, i do............it just embarrasses me. i don't know why, man. and then i expect people to like know when not to say anything, or at least when to stop saying anything, and when they don't, (and how could they?) i get angry. these are questions i've been asking myself for fucking years, so, i'm not expecting any answers. i'm thisclose to finding someone to talk to about my shyness, i swear. but, how do i even go about that? like is it a psychiatrist, a psychologist, my regular doctor? am i being a wuss? people have real problems, and so i feel like i'm drowning every so often, is it that big a deal? should i just try harder, and suck it up? can i ask any more questions? can i? yes? no? i don't know? goodnight??? |
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