| current entry |
| older entries |
| profile |
| notes |
| lex designs |
| diaryland |
.....
 |
� |
|
2002-09-27 - 7:32 p.m. well, i thought i'd get home, and beat up my junk, but, i kiboshed the idea. i threw in one of my favorite tapes in the vcr, dropped trou, and...nothin'. i got nothin'. so, i guess that's that. it's funny living with someone who you're sexual with, and yet still feel embarrassed about the whole masturbation thing. i've caught him. he's caught me, and we both react like we've been caught clubbing baby seals. even more "funny", why is it not embarrassing to do the same thing to each other? did i just write all that? yes, yes i did. about pornography, i like it. i have some movies, and i have magazines. i'm a guy. guys are visual, right? when i got my renewal notice to freshmen magazine, i sheepishly asked matt if he minded if i renewed. i wasn't asking for permission exactly, but just sorta feeling him out on his position on the subject. he responded with a hearty, "cool!" so, cool. lately i've been fantasizing about james van der beek. go figure. it's doing the job, so i'm not complaining. end of subject. i talked to mando this morning, and i think we're going next month. i told matt to make it happen at work, and he's pretty sure he can. whoopee! the artist is chronically unemployed, so he's down for whatever whenever. what is it with hot young things that never worry about money? bastards. speaking of the artist, he wants to be in san diego by january. he'll be 19, and he's pretty sure he'll be disowned. i feel bad for him. i don't know how to say it any other way. why can't "they" be happy when we find love. it's not such an easy thing, you know. and yet, people insist on putting all sorts of conditions on it. making it even harder. i wonder, do these people who stop talking to "loved ones" because of their homosexuality...well, did they really love them in the first place? i kinda don't think so because it's not that easy to stop loving someone. if it was, then there'd be no heartbreak, and as we all know, heartbreak is a very real thing. it was one thing to screw him in his parents house, living room, bathroom, etc. i think it was like a sort of, "fuck you" to them, but now that engaging in those activities could very well be the catalyst for the end of his family as he knows it, well, that's something else entirely. it's getting too real. he knows we'll support him in anyway. we've all talked to him. matt, la liz, everbody. so, we're ALL here/there for him, BUT, we're not his parents/family, and that's gotta hurt. all this makes me wonder about life. it's so random, and great, and terrifying, and sad, and blah blah blah. i keep myself up at night trying to make any kind of sense of it. then curse myself for bothering. okay, i'm getting way too into it. goodnight. |
|
| � |
older entries: |