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2002-04-24 - 12:08 a.m. i said doya speaka my language? he just smiled, and gave me a vegimite sandwich...men at work so i made a big mistake, try to see it once my way...alice in chains. rip layne staley hello, right now, in my neck of the woods, seth green is being his charming self on letterman. i am a big fan. two words: radio days. layne, oh jesus. i was not a huge alice in chains fan, but, i was a fan of the music that came out of a certain city, at a certain point in time. nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, alice in chains. my fave a.i.c. song is "the rooster". it is a great song because it really captures a vietnam vets story. also, i have this vietnam thing. w/o getting too into it, everytime i see the vietnam war depicted in a movie, or on t.v. i usually start to cry. it always seems to trigger something in me. something upsetting. this is strange because i don't have like a relative, or my pops wasn't killed, or anything. i have one uncle who fought there, and he is alive, and well. we are not close at all though. so, i don't have a specific emotional tie to the vietnam war, but it always gets to me for some reason. i half think i was there in a past life. although, i'm not sure i even believe in that. okay, enough. work has been challenging. i love/hate that. mostly love though. which is good since whether i hate it or not, it's still gonna be what it is. things have been breaking down, and i've been given lots more to do, in shorter amounts of time. yes, it is as fucked up as it sounds, but it's still the nuts. i can't explain it. okay, enough. matt. yes, dear boy. we talked, and it seems that we were just both having an "off" sunday. pretty much just like i thought. i haven't seen him since then. we talked on the phone last night. he brought it up, and i'm soooo glad, coz i don't know if i would have, or how long it would have taken me to bring it up. unfortunately, i'm not yet over doing things like keeping things all nice, and bottled up. purely for the sake of not wanting to come off like a fucknut. like, "i'm cool" "it's cool" "no problem". yep, that's me....on the outside, at least. one day, i'm gonna be able to say my say, and not stew. i anxiously await that days arrival. matt, told me he loved me so much, and that he really, really wanted me to understand that, and believe that. i did, and do. i basically told him something similar. i don't wanna get into it. it's mine, and i don't feel like sharing. i'm spending the night tomorrow, so...yippee!! today this girl at work told me i had a small mouth. i was a little concerned that she had looked at me long enough to make that determination. nobody has ever told me that before, and i just thought it was an odd observation. no harm, no foul. i'm not bothered at what she said. just that she said it. if that makes sense. i just don't enjoy talking about myself in front of others. especially, about strange things like that. i see these foriegn mating rituals performed by the youngsters at work, and other places, and i just don't get it. i guess by being a mo, coupled w/ being a bit shy, that i really missed out on a lot of common everyday teenage stuff. so, now it all seems so bizarre. when in fact, i'm bizarre-ish. i guess i'll be starting a cult soon. so, i was reading some of my entries, and i could just gag. if through some freakish string of events someone actually reads this, i propose a drinking game. everytime you read the word, "matt" take a drink. you'll be on your lips in no time. cheers. i'm making myself sick w/ all the matt talk, but at the same time, i am involved w/ a guy named matt, and we hang out, ALOT...sooooo his name is bound to come up. that's right, smltwn, just keep telling yourself that. goodnight |
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