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2002-04-21 - 11:02 p.m. you gotta know when to hold 'em. know when to fold 'em. know when to walk away. know when to run. you never count your money, when you're sittin' at the table. there'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done...kenny rogers i'm so glad that this weekend is over. i just got home from matt's place, and we had sex, and it was...mutually beneficial, but, we parted strangely. we didn't talk much. sorta, "mumble" "blahblah". then, straight to the bedroom. afterwards, it was, "garble" "umyeah". it was not non verbal in a good way. sometimes, it's cool. like, ripping off of clothes, and right to the sex. very animalistic. this wasn't that though. i told matt i was tired, and i was just gonna head home, but he told me he really wanted to see me, soooooo....i get there, and it was different. i'm not gonna get all paranoid. or, i'm gonna TRY not to. the sex itself was kinda hot, but, maybe i shoulda just gone home. maybe we see too much of each other. when he says he wants to see me, i go. it seems sorta rude not to. it's not like he "booty calls" me, like late at night, and just wants a fuck. i can't speak for him, but, i had a hectic day at work today, and i was super busy, but it was that sense of accomplishment good kind of hectic, so it was cool. sometimes though, i get home, and i feel like i have nothing left. not to sound like a cornball, but that's how it feels. like i gave at the office, you know? at times like those, i'm really not fit company for anyone. i guess, it's true what my momma always told me, "love is not enough". she is a total realist. some might call her negative, or cynical, but no, she is realistic. people don't always like what she says, but they seldom argue w/ or are able to contradict her. i believe the term, "straight shooter" is appropos. i, having been told the truth my whole life, find myself much more easily able to accept things, shitty or otherwise. some of my family, and friends have a hard time when things don't work out according to their "plans". i would point out that things rarely do, but, nobody wants to hear that shit. which is the point i'm trying to make. i also think, i'm just waiting for our first fight. not dissagreement-spat-poutybabyshit, but a full on, "no, fuck YOU!!!" kind of fight. not that i want that, but, i assume, being the son a realist, that that will happen eventually. i've heard it said that two men in a relationship is not an ideal one. something about men being the way they are, selfish, and stubborn, coupled w/ the lack of an actual female presence, since females are suposedley more patient, and even tempered, more willing to compromise, et al. that having two males is like a trainwreck. of course, i'm generalizing big time. i know some girls that are selfish, and foul tempered shrews. who knows? i have this thing for playing jr. psychologist. i'm always reading into things, and coming up with theories as to why people do what they do. like yesterday, on my shopping trip from hell, "h" was driving, and her hubby, "s" was riding shotgun, i was in the back seat. i told them about this theory of mine regarding similar driving scenarios, i.e. girl driving w/ multiple male passengers. my theory is this, i always assume that the guys are scumbags. like they're too smacked out to drive, so they get the "old lady" to do it. or they have a suspended liscense (sp?), or something. why do i assume these things? who knows, i just do. they told me that it was a pretty good one though. i'm full of these theories, among other things. i won't embarrass myself any further though. i'll talk to matt tomorrow, and see what's up. until then, goodnight little friend. |
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