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2002-04-16 - 11:44 p.m. i have only come here seeking knowledge. things they would not teach me off in college...the police listening to: the promise ring - electric pink oh little friend, had a half ass argument w/ matt tonight. okay, here's the situation. my parents went away on a weeks vacation - j/k. i was at casa de matt tonight, and just as i was walking out the door, right after the last kiss of the night, he tells me, "don't get mad" (is it even possible not to get mad after someone tells you that?), "but you will probably be getting a package tomorrow". so i asked what he did, and he told me that before our discussion about the excessive gift giving, he ordered me a coat. some kenneth cole number. fortheloveofgod!! here's the thing, i might not have gotten mad at all, IF he had told me either when we had our talk, OR, like right when i got to his place. but definitely not after the 'how was your day' crap, or after the sparkling dinner convo, or anytime after the sex. i'm not full on furious, but i felt sorta used? like he knew i might get burnt out, and he fucked me first. that's what it felt like right at first. so, i told him so, and he looked sooo surprised. he said something like, "oh baby, no. that's not what i meant to do". then he pulled me inside, and we talked. bottom line, we will not keep things on the back burner, and try not to wait until the "right time" coz, there probably isn't one. i feel fine, it's just right then i didn't like the idea. sex is something that i really enjoy. it's just that when you give that part of yourself to someone out of love...well, i guess the stakes feel a bit higher. i don't ever want to feel like he, or any guy got one over on me. i must have trust issues. whatever. one thing we did talk about before the sex was vegas. matt wants to go to vegas, maybe for the cinco de mayo weekend. i psychotically love las vegas. the brightly lit gaudy oppulence of the whole diddly darn city. matt wants to stay at the hard rock. LAME!! that's so predictable. people who stay there tend to try too hard. that's all i can say. it's like, let's put on our flame printed bowling shirts, and re-enact swingers-gag me. i told him we should stay at either new york new york, caesars palace, or the rio. even though the rio is out of the way (not on the strip, but niether is the hard rock). i think he liked the idea of the rio. it's really pretty cool there. i took mando a coupla times. the first time we barely left the room. i just thought of that. i don't want to stay there because of that. i can fuck matt at a motel 6 if that's all i want to do. i really do like the rio. actually any place is cool. just not the hard rock. the only thing i like about the hard rock is the sex pistols slot machines. those are the nuts. work was a beautiful disaster. i live for that shit. it was getting to critical mass when i got there, but we fucked shit up. we definitely handled. i love the sense of accomplishment when you know you worked hard, and did a good job. it's pretty rad coz even if nobody cares, your boss, your clients, whoever, you know you did a good thing. and at the end of the day, that's sorta all that matters. goodnight little friend. |
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