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2002-04-09 - 12:32 a.m. no other path, no other way, no day but today...rent okay, here goes, i was in the grocery store w/ matt, because he wanted to make me a "special" dinner. we're going down the aisles, and i ask if he has tried the wolfgang puck soups. i tell him they are the nuts. he sorta distractedly grunts. he is looking for these certain noodles for this certain dish, and i'm being no help at all. grocery stores are a place that i avoid like the plague. so when i have to be there, i look at EVERYTHING. so i wander off to buy some potato salad at the deli counter - don't ask me why. anyway, he finds me and says, let's go. i can't find the fucking noodles. i say, so what. go wait for me in the car. a few minutes later i walk out and have the above mentioned wolfgang puck soups, sourdough bread, some pesto spread stuff for the bread, condoms, 2 bottles of boone's farm strawberry hill, and of course, the inexplicably vital potato salad. i open the car door, show him my various purchases, and say, now look here see, i've got everything we need for dinner, AND dessert (wink wink), and as long as we're together it's always special. i can't say exactly where that came from, or explain that i just sorta knew that matt just needed a little t.l.c. but, i did just know, you know? so, he smiled, and apologized for not being able to make his "special" dinner. i told him, please, don't worry about it. so we drive to his place, and i'm heating the soup, pestoing the bread, pouring the cheap "wine", and he comes up behind me, turns me around so that we're face to face, kisses me, and says, i love you. i will not comment on how i felt, or how i reacted. i just won't, you know? so there. i said i would, and i did. that was days ago. i have to say, i really like strawberry hill. it reminds me of high school. i could buy 1 bottle of it, and a pack of fags for less than five bucks. cool. for the teenage drunk on a budget it was the nuts. let me just also say that i am a lightweight drinker. i know i write about going out for drinks a lot, because i do in fact go out for drinks a lot. however, i'm good for about 2-3 drinks. any more, and i am so buzzed. i nurse my drinks, and am made fun of mercilessly. i don't like losing control of myself. when i get up, and can't walk straight, or see straight, i don't like it. i REALLY don't like it. i'm not sure why, but i know that i don't. sometimes though, i know i'm gonna go out and get looped. it's just my mood, i guess. also, beer i can pretty much take it or leave it. i prefer mixed drinks. seven & 7's, margaritas, and those double scorpions from the hong kong inn, being my top three faves. i love to go out, and i love bars, and i love drunks, but i'm the guy who most of the girls in our group can drink under the table. everytime i made out w/ a chick in my life was when i was drunk. by the by, it's not that many times. but, i know the alcohol had everything to do w/ it. the last time i kissed a girl was on st. paddy's day about 10-11 years ago. i was right out of high school, and i knew i was gay forever at that point, but she was very persistent, and quite attractive, if you like that sorta thing. i was cool w/ it coz it didn't mean anything. BUT, when she started to grab my crotch, and pull me into a conveniently located bedroom, i nearly pissed myself. i've never had sex w/ a woman. i probably coulda had it more often than my straight friends. i'm not bragging. listen, i know that the only reason that is is because of the fact that i was "safe". i was cute(their word), AND i was harmless. i was invited into their pants because i didn't want to be in their pants. so yeah, i got the, "oh, i know you'd be so sweet, and gentle", and, "if you ever want to try stuff" who knows? maybe i woulda been the number one lover man, but i was more interested in their boyfriends, and they (the girls) knew it. why do i always start talking about one thing, and end up somewhere else so far from that one thing? why do i always ask questions like that? do i expect an answer? well, do i? j/k. i'm out of steam so...goodnight little friend
p.s. in honor of the fact that episode 2 is coming out in a few weeks, and also just because this guy is a lovely individual, heeeeeresss ewan!!! |
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