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2002-04-07 - 10:54 p.m. through these eyes i've looked the devil in the face, and i've seen god's holy grace...social distortion "spring is being a little bitch" - my friend chris when someone commented on how shitty, and overcast the weather's been tonight i had drinks w/ mando. he did indeed do the deed w/ tafkaj the other night. i told him how i just didn't like the idea, but i really couldn't articulate why. it's not exactly jealousy, or anger, and i don't feel like i've been ripped off or something-??? it's all those things. it's none of those things. it was the best of times...j/k. mando told me he thinks he could really have something w/ tafkaj. that he was attracted to him the first time he met him. that's not really surprising considering tafkaj is a little dreamboat. anyway, it wasn't like full on drama or anything. and i love them both (in different, and special ways) so when all is said and done, i want them to be happy. i'll get more used to it. i'll have to, right? they will be together, holding hands, kissing, giving each other the "we're gonna go home, and fuck like bunnies" look. matt called a little while ago, so i gave him the highlights. i explained to him how i felt, and matt being matt, asked if i needed him to come over. i was like, "do i sound that bad" he replied w/, "no, i just wanted to come over" i told him i was just gonna hang. i have this problem wherein i have this compulsive need to say what i need to say, but then i feel bad for doing so. i'm a "sensitive guy". YES, one of those. i have deep feelings for feeling deeply - but seriously folks...i like to talk about all my stuff. well, most of my stuff. and certain people get to hear certain stuff. i think that's pretty common. i'm just always sooooo worried about what others think, and how i'll come across. being comfortable in my own skin is like a seemingly unattainable goal. could i say "like" any more times? i'm like constantly channeling moon unit zappa. what a geekazoid. i don't like to complain - big fat lie. i LOVE to complain, but i don't like to do it out loud. so sometimes i'm walking around just super pist, and it's because i'm burnt out about something, and i just can't get it out. i'm not a pushover though. it's weird. it's the duality thing again. gemini. like that explains it all. i don't know shit about signs, so don't mind me. i don't want matt to think that i'm here crying right now over mando, and tafkaj. i'm not. if i was truly upset, i woulda had it out w/ mando, and i'd be ranting like a fuckin' loon. why would i lie here, you know? well, i'm just about out of steam on this and all other subjects soooo....let me just say that i was inspired by xgayboi's spring picture of the bathing boy beauties, so here is my offering to the god/goddess of springtime, and youth, and life, love, and lovers. in other words, hot men kissing!! |
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owwww!!! homoerotic? homosexyual!! what a geek. goodnight, little friend