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2003-04-22 - 4:55 p.m. gonna have you naked by the end of this song - justin timberlake let's get the crap outta the way. work has been horrible for the last 3 days. thank god we were closed easter. people suck. they're the functioning borderline retarded...and...um...fuck them all. yeah. 'k. all done. i have jury duty tomorrow. that's cool. i really don't mind, BUT, i don't want to be picked to be on a jury. we'll see. i hope i see someone i know, or, at least a cute guy to flirt with. i really hate mtv. i didn't talk about my easter basket. matt made me a basket, and i have to say, it ruled. there were a coupla abercrombie sleeveless t's, some boardshorts, and the requisite chocolate bunny. it was even dark chocolate (my favorite), but, the absolute best part of the basket was the framed picture of the two of us in san francisco. it's a great shot that an old guy took of us in the castro. matt's so fucking cute, i can barely stand it. his smile is so open, and genuine. anyway, it's a fabulous picture, and he put it in the most perfect darkwood frame. that's my matty. i talked to my buddy chris last night. i haven't really talked to him much. the sad thing is, i don't really miss it. he's a lot of work, and i quit. all i hear is how easy "it" is for someone like me. meanwhile, he's nice, cute, and has a good job with the city. he's just super insecure, and i think it's easier to be down on everything, and shoot yourself in the foot then to, oh, i don't know, MAKE AN EFFORT. it's easier to say, "she'd never be interested in me", than to try to make a move. i can almost see that, in a way, but, my problem, correction, my HUGE PROBLEM with him is that he gets mad at anyone not like that. i'm sick of being like, blamed for the way i act, or look, or whatthefuckever. it's frustrating as hell. how can i feel bad, and be a good friend all at the same time? i can't. i'm whining on diaryland. i hate that. whining's okay, in small amounts. but, i'm like starting a full on whine out, so, apologies. i'm tired, and if there's one thing you should know about me, it's this: i get super whiny/cranky/ridiculous when i'm tired, and haven't slept well in a few days. i try super hard to not be that way, but, once the black mood comes, it's hard to shake. i haven't slept well since the saturday before easter. matt, and i went out to l.a., and i didn't wake up sunday til like noon. since then, sleep's been shitty at best. i just can't sleep. i woke matty up early monday morning cuz i was bouncing my knees in bed. he rolled over, and wrapped his arm around me, told me, "shhh". so, i stopped, for like a minute, then i started tapping my feet, and he was like, "jesus, tone, go to sleep". i said i was sorry, cuz i totally was, and got outta bed to go to the living room. i had the t.v. on super low, and i was hoping to get tired. half an hour later, matt's standing in the shadows (nearly giving me a heart attack) and he's like, "baby, come to bed". i wanted to have sex with him, AND strangle him. not for the first time, by the way. i patiently explained that i couldn't sleep, and there was no reason that i had to keep him up. i left to let him sleep, and he was up anyway, so, i felt stupid. like either way i was drawing unwanted attention to myself. so, to get him back into bed, i got back into bed. i still couldn't sleep, and i tried to keep very, very still. i'm just rambling. here's a few phrases that have been knocking around in all that unused space that is my brain lately: sinewy thighs, freak of nature, bric-a-brac, and, finally, fag hag. thank you, and, good night... |
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