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2004-05-13 - 9:28 a.m. things are okay. my aunt was flown from ventura to ucla on mother's day. there is a specialist there who agreed to work on her. there's gonna be a series of 4 procedures. they did the first one, tuesday, and it went well. i haven't been doing much of anything. going to work, coming home. the waiting, worrying, and tears are fucking exhausting. i got home sunday night after watching the helicopter take my aunt away, and just sobbed for about 5 minutes. it sounded so awful. i just remember thinking how ugly the sounds coming out of me were, and wanting to stop but not being able to. matt just kept his arms around me, and just let me cry. i guess it's what i needed. i cried at the hospital, but i usually stop myself. i don't like crying in front of people too much. whatever. work's been...there. i told my boss what's up w/ my family, just so she'd know. she's been very nice. asking if i need a break, or letting me go home early if possible. i haven't taken her up on it though. although, i really appreciate it. the truth is, as much as i don't even feel like i'm there, i've been kicking serious ass. it's kinda weird. people have been coming up to me and commenting on my skillz. i think i sorta need to be there. what else would i be doing? matt's coming home early. i rented "mambo italiano", and i'm making chicken cattiatore (sp?). i just want everything to be okay. i've gone for a run, and flirted w/ a beer delivery guy at the little market where i get my water. well, wasn't this pointless? |
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