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2002-06-20 - 3:49 p.m. you dropped a bomb on me, baby...gap band matt wants to talk about living together. i want him to. i love him, very much, and we're always together anyway. i've never lived w/ anyone, and i'm scared. in my mind, it's this monumentally huge thing, and it'll change everything. i don't like change. especially if there's a strong chance of the change fucking everything up. why do i assume it's gonna fuck everything up? it's who i am. it's what i do. i dream about waking up next to him. about making love to him every night. about watching his chest rise and fall as he sleeps......i need to come home, and not talk to anyone. i talk to myself when i'm alone. i lay around all day and don't shower til 6 or 7. i do things my way, and as i've mentioned, i don't like change. these are very valid points to me. so, if you're scoffing. fuck you. i'm 29 years old. i'm very used to things as they are. oh, but i love that kid. so fucking much. yesterday, i was sick of my shyness. it's all i seem to talk about. it's my faithful companion. i don't wanna get into it. i'm not taking drugs. i'm not "talking" to someone. i'm just gonna deal. it's just kinda hard sometimes. i'll live. today, after work, i went to old navy, and bought my nephews flag shirts for the 4th. so cute. i talked to patches, and we're gonna hang out next week. she's dog sitting in venice, and i'm gonna stay over. she sounded so happy to hear from me. do you know how good that made me feel? i can't even tell you. i'm going to olvera st. this weekend. w/ the familia, and my sweet boy. my mom wants to go to citywalk too. i don't really like citywalk, but, it's gonna be fun. i figure we can stop at amoeba, since we're gonna be in the neighborhood. i'm a music whore. i got tickets to see, hot hot heat, and radio 4 next month at the knitting factory. her space holiday, and american analog set are gonna be there soon, and i kinda wanna see them too. we'll see. you know what? i'm so lucky. and i don't even appreciate it. dickhead, i swear. okay, i'm outtie 5000, g.... here's the free winona shirts: |
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