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2004-10-07 - 1:47 a.m. highway to the danger zone - kenny loggins i'm sticky and sweaty with post sex insomnia. we went bowling. who's wacky idea was bowling? that's right, my sweet boy, matty. he says he's been thinking about bowling for weeks. go figure. it was an interesting mix. some of my friends, and a couple of his. la liz even got those two prissy missy bitches to have a little fun. i wore my favorite new hoodie. alas, i could only wear it into the bowling alley. it's so cool. alls i had on was a semi tight white v neck tshirt and my slouchy, show the treasure trail jeans. i'll admit i was wearing it for adam. yes, matty and i are still enjoying his company. whatever. i've been in a semi sucky mood the last coupla days. i got into an argument with some guy in a bar. i was.....i dunno what exactly i was. mostly sad, i guess. la liz was asking where "that pretty boy smile" was. i didn't have an answer. matty came over and tried to talk to me, but, i kinda pushed him away. he left me alone, brooding, and hung out with the others. i got up to take a piss, and some guy totally bumps into me as i pass him. i turned around to give him "the glare", but he had one on too. so, we glared. *alright, here's where it gets....stupid. think of me what you will* i take my piss, head back to my table, and get bumped again. i tell the guy what the fuck? he says whatever. before you know it....well, i hit him. maybe kind of a lot. i got pulled off, and kicked out of the bar, like permanently. it was kind of a mess while matt and danny pulled me out. i was so pissed, i couldn't see straight. they got me to the car, put me in the backseat and i started bawling. like scarily bawling for about 5 minutes. i never shoulda hit that guy. the average person is agreeing with me. they're agreeing because they think it's wrong to use violence as an option. they're agreeing because intelligent people don't stoop to that base mentality. i'm saying i never shoulda blasted that guy cuz i knew, i fucking knew, that i was gonna kick his ass. he was about my age, a little bigger than me, but i saw it in his face, he knew how to be an asshole. here's the thing, i know how to be mean. very mean. believe me when i tell you, that's no swaggering asshole macho bullshit. tu tiene corraje. that's what my grandma would say. she was right. i do have hate in my heart. i'm not getting into all that stuff. i've got my reasons. right or wrong. i don't know, you know? i think i'm checking out for awhile. i've got nothing new to say here. it's not some dramatic ploy for attention. just a simple fact. the really real, important stuff, well, i'm just not ready to share that shit. so....so, whatever. |
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