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2004-08-20 - 12:43 p.m. don't wanna be around when this gets out - duran duran i think i'm gonna see garden state at some point today. i kind of don't feel good. sorta flu-ish. nothing too horrible, but not great either. yesterday was strange. went to my too cool aunt's, and we talked about what's going on in my family. if you read this diary w/ any regularity, then you know my aunt recently passed. it seems that one of her daughters is trying to basically swipe the house from everybody (my uncle included). she's going from one relative to another, planting lies about her siblings, her stepfather, etc. to cause all sorts of problems, chaos, and most importantly, to draw attention away from her shady ways. i heard so much, and got so upset yesterday. my aunt was a giving, selfless woman. to see her daughter kinda spit in the face of that is pretty hard to take. i came home really...i dunno...agitated? frustrated? sad? my buddy danny called and told me he got tickets to see the pixies the same night i did, so now we're gonna go together, and we were discussing the various pre and post show activities that we could partake in. it got my mind off things for awhile and that was nice. after hanging up with danny, i decided on a bit of retail therapy. i ordered this bit of heaven from west elm:
matty finally got home and i was so glad. i didn't feel like telling him what was going on. not because i wanted to keep anything from him, but because i was so mentally fried by all this crap that regurgitating it was the last thing i felt like doing. i was chopping up the salad and i started crying. not bad, but noticably i guess. matty asked me what was wrong and i said, "nothing". uh...obviously he knew that wasn't true, but he didn't push (which is good cuz sometimes in an effort to "help" me w/ my shyness he does push). instead, he led me into the shower. he just wrapped his arms around me and said that everything would be alright. it was very relaxing. which is really what i needed. i get pretty anxious and it's hard to relax for me sometimes. after the shower, he pushed me down on the bed and made love to me. when he alternated kissing my inner thighs and teasing my balls with his tongue, i thought i was gonna lose my fucking mind. afterwards, i told him everything. i kinda wanna get into how he accuses me of using sex to get what i want in our relationship, and how i kinda felt that's what he did last night. how on the one hand i'm arching my back in ecstacy with him between my legs and how on the other hand i felt sort of easy afterwards....... i'm not gonna get into this right now. later |
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