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2004-04-26 - 2:45 p.m. what to write? saw the dodgers murderize the giants yesterday. we had such a good time. i love dodger stadium. it was a fucking scorcher. i had one beer, and i was buzzed. matt kept making fun of me. "want another beer, killer", he'd asked after i dropped my sunglasses. sometimes, i get a little more clumsy than usual. whatever. i was such a pig. i had a dodger dog, garlic fries, cracker jacks, and a krispy kreme donut. this didn't stop me from being a showoff. i had my shirt off as soon as we got off the car, and i'm just gonna say this, okay? i felt dead sexy. also, super horny. i wasn't the only shirtless guy in the joint. that's for sure. so many hot guys. mmmmmmmm.... did i mention i was horny as all hell, yesterday? the game started around 1, and was over before 4. so, we were home pretty early. we showered together. then, sat in bed and watched tv w/ the sound off. matty wants a jeep. he's acting like he's not sure, but i know it's all but parked in the garage. we talked, and talked. i woke up around 9:15 with matty's head on my chest. i was happier than i had been in a long time. see, i had been sort of unhappy. i'd been worrying about lots of stuff. not to say that i don't still worry, but... there's stuff that i've been avoiding mentioning here, or to people at work, or even to my friends. only matty knows what's going on, and i'll be honest. i started to resent him for knowing so much. i know how retarded that sounds, but, it's the truth. i'm not above being juvenile. all that stuff, plus just the everyday living together stuff. there's a lot of stuff that you both have to work at. compromise, flexibility, just hard work, dude. it's not all sex whenever, and naked twister. i know that i write about sex a lot. i think sex is fucking important. however, it's not just about getting laid. getting laid is easy. getting laid easily gets old. i sometimes wonder if i'm just too screwed up to live with someone. matt says i'm just stubborn, and i think too much. that i make things harder than they need to be. there must be some truth to that, since he's not the first person i've heard that from. one day soon i'll probably go into all the "stuff" i'm talking about. it's getting better, but, it'd be a whole lot better if i could just get it off my chest. anyway.... i'm getting all uptight and embarrassed...so... later |
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