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2004-02-17 - 5:34 p.m. ...and i guess that's why they call it the blues - elton john did you ever have one of those days? today is one of my two precious days off. i figured i'd go to the gym, have a light breakfast, do some chores, and have my cute ass little self in front of the tube for the farewell to sex in the city episode of oprah. ....or, not. i woke up later than i'd planned, to the crashing of my cd collection. which, i must say, is quite a sizeable collection. it seems the wonderful, boner inducing "media shelf" i'd recently purchased at ikea sucks. yes, i realized upon assembling that the shelves were a little uneven. i figured that i'd screw in some brackets or something and all would be well. i was wrong. so, after walking into the spare room/office/whatever, i was filled with an overwhelming sense of ickyness, as cher horiwitz would say. my cd's were everywhere. cracked, broken cases galore. you have to understand, my music is precious to me. my cd's are my babies. i'm an anal freak about them. imagine my horror when i saw my perfectly alphabetized collection in total disarray all over the floor. so, i shlepped on over to mommy and daddy's place (i've got a key) to borrow a drill. i get home, start drilling new holes into the side bar thingies, and it seemed to be working out okay. then something came loose and the cd's that hadn't fallen out, did, indeed, fall out. hundreds of hundreds of cd's were now littering the ground. i thought i was gonna pass out. i kept trying to make it work. for three hours i tried, and, i got bupkus. nowhere fast, as it were. it seemed like when i got the top shelves to be straight and not droop, the bottom ones got worse. when i got the botton, the top ones got worse. after two hours, i looked at my shelves, and realized that despite all the new holes i drilled to even everything out, that they looked just as crooked as they did to begin with. what the fuck? as i tried to figure out exactly what i was doing wrong, i couldn't help but think, ty pennington or carter oosterhouse would have totally known what to do. why can't i be handy? if i were straight would it have helped? was i missing a gene? a chromosome? it was then that i decided i'd gladly give up one of my fabulous gay characteristics for the "good with his hands" gene, instead of the "good at giving hand jobs" gene that i'd been so proud of just minutes earlier. oh, and i broke one of the attachments to my dads drill. that one's gonna cost me dearly, lemme tell ya. by the time i'd given up, sat there for a moment, surveying the absolute disaster of the room, shaking my head in complete bewilderment, it was 2:37. oprah starts at 3, and i hadn't showered, eaten, or done anything remotely relaxing, or enjoyable on my day off. i hopped in the shower and just made it in time to see sarah jessica, patron saint of all things fab, get misty over the crew. it was wonderful. i reclined in my seat, and had a nice little cry. for the shelves, for feeling so incompetent and defeated, and for 4 women who's little show helped make me a better 'mo. yup, a nice little cry in the privacy of my own home. i hate getting so frustrated and being so overly sensitive, but, when you gotta flow, you gotta flow. it helps. what are you gonna do? hmmmmmmm......this has been the most relaxing part of my day. writing all this dumb stuff out. thank you, "sex". thank you, dland. thank you, and, goodnight. |
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