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2003-12-17 - 9:37 a.m. the smell of hospitals in winter - counting crows my tata, who'd had a heart attack a few months back, needs bypass surgery. the operation is scheduled for this friday. he'll be in the hospital for christmas. there's other stuff happening in my extended family that i can't get into. all of these things considered, christmas, which is a big, huge deal in my family, will not be the same this year. i'm talking not remotely the way it usually is. nobody is saying anything, but, everyone is feeling this strange "what the hell is going on?" feeling. we take things for granted, then, things change. that life changes, sometimes drastically, is no surprise. i just think it's a great parlour trick that god, or whoever, pulls. it's like, here run down this empty corridor as fast as you can. good. you're doing great. oh, wait, what's that? oh, a brick wall. oops, my bad. i don't mean that in a disrespectful way either. it's just my way of illustrating a point. it's what i do. no. i'm not saying god, or whoever, is mad, bad, or dangerous to know. i'm just talkin'. i've already been to the gym. i need to start going this early regularly. "cute guy who works at the gym" came up and touched my leg while i was doing leg curls. he's so fucking hot. of course, matt can't stand him. matt's not the jealous type, but, he can't stand this guy. like i'd ever fuck around with a hot guy who works at a gym. please. he must get laid left and right. not that i've never slept with a "good time charlie". i like a good..."time" as much as the next fella. i'm wrapping matt's presents, and i can't wait til i can give them to him. this year will be different. no doubt about that. however, rather than dwelling on the differences, i prefer to take pleasure in the constants. my nephew's beaming faces as they open their gifts, or, sitting in the living room with matt, cute in his boxers opening our gifts to each other. these things are the things that matter above all else anyway. i love my family, the whole crazy lot of 'em, and even though we're always together for christmas, and this year we won't be, we don't NEED to be to know we all love each other. it would take a hell of a lot more than all that's happening to fuck with that absolute knowledge. later. |
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