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2003-05-29 - 12:02 a.m. every (boys) crazy for a sharp dressed man - zz top matt brought me home the coolest couple of shirts today. one is white with beige diagonal stripes up and down it, and one is a burgandy polo shirt with thin navy stripes running across the chest. i was just telling him that i needed some new polo shirts for summer. i really like the polo shirt thing now. i was sort of anti polo shirt for awhile. i was all about the t shirt, or the slim fit long sleeve button down with the sleeves rolled up past the elbow. but there are so many cute polos all over the place. i'm jumping on the bandwagon. the first thing he said when he came in was, "don't get mad". i was already rolling my eyes. then he came up, kissed me, and handed me the bags. he also bought me this stuff i like for my hair (i've grown it long and i have bangs). i kissed him, thanked him, and asked why. he said it was a get well gift for falling last night. then he started laughing. asshole. i was gonna give him shit for buying me stuff, but after he laughed, i thought, 2 shirts? that's all you got me? totally kidding. yeah, we had a good laugh. i joined him in the shower, and had a late dinner. i love laying in bed with him, just talking about everything. the way he straddles me, looks down into my eyes, brushes the hair out of my face, calls me...well, he has a nickname, and leans down and kisses me. there's nowhere else i want to be. i would hate to lose that. i would hate to lose him. i want to be a good person. i want to spend the rest of my life with him. sometimes things happen that you can't control. sometimes you don't have to look for shit, shit finds you. it's not always cut and dry. you don't always have a choice. you're just along for the ride. he has to understand that. please understand that... i'll be 30 in about a week. i don't feel 30. i'm still such a mess. so...unfinished, unsettled, un...un something. i always thought i'd have my shit together by 30. i'm not sure why. i just did, you know? i figured by 30 i'd be able to stop blushing, mumbling, and not be so worried about what people think of me. i feel i should have done more, be more together. more importantly, to TRY harder to be more together. whatever. and by whatever i mean, i care so much it's scary. |
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