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2003-05-25 - 6:06 p.m. ...was an honest man - the strokes hey, i just got home from work and it seems that my sweet boy has been doing some van damage with the internet shopping. i guess i'm the proud owner of some new swimsuits courtesy of him and the undergear online catalog. for those who don't know, undergear is like the gayest place on earth to buy swimwear, underwear, skin tight t shirts and the like. the red trunks he bought are cool, i guess. i'm not really into the whole squarecut tight swimsuits. i'm more boardshort down to my knees stylee. he says he likes to see as much leg on me as possible so...yeah. who knows, i might even wear them. it's kinda funny cuz he knows my style and he knows that stuff like that isn't my style, but he tries anyway. like tight little undies is one thing. they're under my clothes and no one can see 'em. i have lots of that kind of stuff thanks to him. but there's a not so small pile of clothes that he's gotten me that i feel funny wearing. i tell him that i'm not really feeling the tight tank tops and stuff, but he keeps trying. god bless that kid. also, the price of those little swimsuits is totally ridiculous. alright, that's enough of that. oh, the reason he's trying to dress me up in his love is cuz we're going to palm springs at the end of next month. i've never actually been to palm spring to stay. i've only driven through. i'm semi looking forward to it. i don't wanna sound like an ingrate. it's just that it's some gay friendly resort type place, and of course i'm all about the gays. they are my people after all. it's just that all i can picture is me in some tiny swimsuit, being stared at and judged, and that makes me nervous. i have a healthy ego that i work dilligently at downplaying, but i think that's too much pressure. i dunno. whatever. gosh, when i started writing i had no idea that alls i was gonna do is whine like a little bitch. i'm not in a bad mood or anything like that. i guess i'll cop to being a little bothered by the amount of money matt spent. maybe even jealous. whoomp, there it is. it's not all about that though. swear it. part of it is like i said, about him buying stuff that i might not even use. he can wear them though, so it's cool. um, i'm feeling a lot better. matt and i have been talking, and i'm really glad about that. i can't really get like super into it, but things are being resolved. i will say this, that kid is the best thing that ever happened to me. period. i've vetoed the plan to have a big bday bash. i really don't want one. i'm getting ahead of myself. i'll be 30 in a little over a week, and matt, and some other people wanted to maybe have a party for me. i'm not freaked about being 30 in any way. i'm kinda stoked actually. 30 is the gateway to being distinguished. a little older in the face, a few more gray hairs. character, you know? i just don't want people to worry about making a deal about it. people are calling, asking what i want, and when i say nothing, or i don't know, they don't believe me. that's part of the shyness thing. when i say nothing, or i don't know, my familia and buddies are like super persistent. i get a lot of, "are you SURE?", and, "c'mon, you can tell me". the more i protest, the more they're sure that i'm holding back. it's a strange thing. i've never really figured out how to make them believe me. i've tried everything. i look them in the eye, put my hand on their shoulders, and say, "really", or something sincere, and i get that squinty scrutinizing look. the look that's supposed to make me crack and finally admit my hearts desire. the funny thing is that usually when it goes that far my hearts desire is to end the subject, and for them to stop staring at me. i'm a freak like that. i did tell matt that i want to have dinner with him for my birthday, and maybe go dancing or something. then he can bring me home and have his way with me. looking forward to that(!!!). i also told him i didn't want any expensive hoo-haw gifts (see, i can tell people what i want). i know that my parents are taking us all out to dinner on my actual birthday. that's gonna be cool as hell. there's a few other things planned with some of my other friends, so it's probably gonna be like a few days worth of dinners, and pub crawling. wow, this is a long one. i got some stuff off my chest, matts finishing up dinner, and we're gonna watch "catch me if you can" later. coolness. tomorrow, i want to keep matt in bed all day. he's all i wanna do. i can't wait. before i go, whatever anyone does tomorrow, be safe, have fun, and take a minute to think of the brave men and women that fought/ continue to fight for our freedom, well being, and way of life, 'k? we owe them that. later... |
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