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2003-01-09 - 11:10 p.m. you're love is wonderful - keith sweat first, the fluff. this really young guy at the gym asked me where i got my shoes (they're these blue/yellow adidas). i told him, and he says, "those are some pimped out kicks". word. i was so excited the rest of the day. pimped out kicks, oh my. this evening, when i got home, matt asked me a unexpected question. "when mando stayed with us last week, did you want to sleep with him at any point?" when i asked where that came from, he said that he just wondered if i still thought about him like that. i decided to go with the truth. i told him that yes, sometimes i did think about mando sexually. like when he came out of the guest bedroom in his boxers, i enjoyed looking, and i nasty thoughts about his body. i did. "didn't you?", i asked. "well, yes. he's pretty cute." exactly. this got us into a conversation about our relationship, and stuff, and blah blah whatever, right? he said he knows that i love him, and that i wouldn't fuck around. i finally got him to admit that he was a little "homesick", and that while he loves my friends, he sorta envies the fact that i have all my longtime friends around. exes, and grade school pals, etc. i explained that's what smltwn is all about. nobody leaves. also, that some people think that's super lame. like to not "move on", or whatever. so, none of it matters. i'm smalltown u.s.a. all the way. my clothes, my interests, my looks, none of it changes the fact that i was born and raised in a small town in so. cal. i don't particulary want bigger, faster paced, more stimulation. matt says he loves it too, and that he doesn't want to be anywhere else, but he wishes that he had what i have. "you do, baby. what's mine is yours. you're my family. my heart. i love you." yeah. that's what i told him. he was pleased. i've never talked to anyone like that before. like ever. i'm trying not to get all cheesedicky, but, this whole crazy love thing is new to me. and what's more, it's good stuff. i love that kid so much. it's awesome to feel this way about someone. i'm done. i'm embarrassed, but, so what? i'm a happy bastard, and i can say so every once in awhile. did i actually say: 'it's awesome to feel this way about someone?'. cheesedick. |
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