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2002-08-31 - 8:31 p.m. i'm in heaven...with my boyfried...my lucky boyfriend - tom tom club first of all, i've got ten pound balls!! and, i'm way bored. we've opted to stay in tonight, and my sweet boy is sawing logs on the living room floor. whatta party hound. last night, i watched david bowie's ziggy stardust concert movie on amc. i haven't watched that in years. it's so good. do i even have to get into how fucking genius david bowie is? i love how him, and elton john stay in tune w/ new music. if you love music, and if you're a musician don't you automatically qualify? but, if you love music, then you should be a fan, AND a creator, right? my point is, when i was watching the mtv awards pre-show gwen stefani was asked who she was looking forward to seeing. her response? i don't know, the hives? i haven't seen or heard them at all. how can you be so unaware? i'm not picking on her. i like her, but, these celebrities/musicians who live in their own little bubbles sorta gets on my nerves. it's funny what the little people bitch about, ain't it? i want to go to amoeba next week, and spend some hard earned dough. i also want to go to t.j. to buy crap. basically, i just want to spend money. i've been so good about NOT spending though. i have a hard time with that sometimes. i'm thinking of switching gyms. the one i go to is right across the street from where i work. the new one is a little out of the way, but it's where matt goes. his is also a little cheaper, but not enough to make any real impact on my decision. his is supposedly less crowded, but i think he just wants me to switch. i don't really like to talk about this whole gym thing. i mean, i go, and like whatever. it's a part of my routine, but not all that i am about. it all goes back to my whole "what are they gonna think" crap. the crap i'm full of. i'm just like everybody else. just trying to find my way, and be a good person who lives a good life. i'm not gonna lie, it's not always easy. i'm gonna try to not be so ashamed about caring how i look. why do i work out? constantly mess with my hair? scour thrift shops for "cool" clothes? i'll tell ya why. because i fucking care about those things. now, how shallow do i feel? pretty goddamn shallow. but why?? i have some answers, but i'll spare us all. there's still a bit i can't figure out though. it's deeply ingrained, and i'm not exactly sure where it comes from. there was no traumatic event inwhich i was punished for being proud or pleased with myself. no one ever needed to knock me down a peg or two to save me from myself. so, who knows? who cares? well, i do. but, like i said, i'll spare us all. i've been wanting to show some of my artwork. maybe i'll take some pictures, and share. after all, sharing is caring. goodnight... |
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