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2002-08-21 - 12:01 a.m. now playing: the pixies - trompe le monde quote 'o' the day: "fuck you, i'm hot and i itch" - matt, the whiny little bitch who i love whaddya know, whaddya say? how's tricks, biz, shit? today work was soooo cool. GREAT day. my live in lover (first and last time usage of such a lame term) is sunburned. his back is fried. his sojourn to orange county was damaging to his mental health, and his skin apparently. when he got home sunday i was glad beyond belief. like, REALLY glad. i'm reading my first charles bukowski novel, and so far, i don't like it. i'm hoping by sticking with it that i'll get into it. i'm currently reading: hollywood by bukowski, the cold six thousand by james ellroy, and re-reading misadventures in the 213 by dennis hensley. i love to read, and so many people don't. at least people i know. i bring my books to work, and get such funny reactions. "YOU read?". stuff like that. hey man, i'm more than just a pretty face. sorry, really super duper lame. on the other hand...i just bought a new weight set after work today. the old one was falling apart. i used to have one of my rooms filled w/ physical fitness type stuff. i was way into that business for a while. i still do stuff, but not like i used to. i've never really liked the whole "big" thing. i never wanted to be "big". like give me brad pitt over vin diesel any day. i like lean. it's just a preference. the bench is a pretty nice setup though. anyway, that's all i'm gonna say about that kinda stuff. matt says he's gonna cut me check for "his half". i think that's so weird. i told him i was gonna buy it after i saw it in the sunday paper sale thingies. he was like, "cool", you know, like so what, whatever. i didn't expect him to pay for his half cuz i didn't think he had a half. like i bought it cuz i need/want it, and he's more than welcome to use it anytime, of course. i dunno, there are still some things that i consider to be awkward subjects. money is definitely one of 'em. i'm not comfortable when money gets thrown in any mix (friends, family, boyfriend). see, i'll give you money...IF i have it to give. no prob. but, when you don't pay me back (after you said you would) then i don't bring it up, but, i'm silently resenting, and holding it against you. our relationships are only as strong as our words/actions. when one of my nearest/dearest says they're gonna do something, call me crazy, but i'm expecting it to be done. if you're not gonna do it, then don't say you're gonna. what's so hard about that? at the same time, i won't take money for shit. when we go somewhere i wasn't expecting to go, and i'm low on dough i just won't eat, or whatever. this drives my friends crazy. they know i'll pay them back, but i don't even want to get into it. it's very embarrassing to me. when my friends come over i offer them food, drinks, etc. when i go over, i refuse everything. this also drives them crazy. i'll drink stuff now. but, i won't eat. i used to go to my friends houses like after school, and i'd get invited to dinner, but i wouldn't eat. i'd always say no. i'd just hang out in my friends room while they ate. it was just too embarrassing to even consider eating in front of my friends families, and stuff. also, i was/am super shy, and i hated having to talk to my friends parents, or whatever. answering questions, and feeling put under a microscope. all that attention was horrible. but, i was well liked by them. probably cuz i kept my mouth shut, and refused to eat the food they were unprepared to share anyway. that was sorta mean wasn't it? sorry. i think i've been watching too much daria. such a cynic. once again, i guess i just needed to purge. why this subject? beats the shit outta me. later... |
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