2002-07-25 - 5:36 p.m.
how to pick up boys & influence people

now playing: hot snakes - suicide invoice

yesterday was fun. got to pathches place late afternoon, went to the 3rd. st. promenade, walked around, shopped, ate, went back to patches, showered, met her b/f, and his roommate at amoeba, went to the "pretty ugly club" @ the dragonfly, saw some mediocre bands, watched matt get semi hammered, danced to the hives, felt up some big breasted girl, flirted w/ the bartender, pissed matt off, argued in the street, semi made up, went back inside, decided to take patches w/ us to weho, left her b/f, and his roommate, made our way to boystown, went to rage, watched matt get full on hammered, peeled his shirt off, danced shamelessly, w/ matts back to me as i had my hands in the waistband of his undies, and somehow or other got to patches, passed out, the end.

the argument: once again, i've been called on my bullshit. by a drunk, no less. i WAS flirting w/ the bartender. and matt didn't mind that so much, but, he didn't/doesn't like when i pull my "innocentlittleboy bullshit". i asked what he meant, knowing full well. i won't fully get into specifics, or whatever, but, basically it goes: flirt, draw the guy in, when/if he is receptive, retreat. bashful glances cast downward, shy almost imperceptible smiles, you know, like i wasn't even aware of what i was getting into. so, the bartender is making me good 7&7's, and he was nice to matt too, btw. anyway, matty got more and more inebriated, and just told me that he "fucking hated" when i did "that", and layed the "innocentblahblah...." line on me. i feigned ignorance, pissed him off more. i'm going on. sorry. but, we talked more today, and i explained where i was coming from. i am a shy person in most situations. always have been. when i flirt, and i do, i can't/won't be the aggressor. it's happened, but, not usually. i soon realized that my physical appearance coupled w/ my shyness was a powerful mix to a lot of guys. of course, this was especially true when i was younger. i was a challenge, and that was w/o trying to be. i find that even though i'm hardly 18 anymore, that guys still respond to the shyness thing. see, matt's more conservative, but, he's also more outgoing w/ strangers. i'm bigger than him, older than him, and according to seemingly everybody, "mean looking". i ALWAYS get that. i don't understand it, but, whatever. anywho, even though i'm all those things, i'm the shy one. the quiet one. i'm not trying to come off like a frail, delicate flower. fuck no. but, i guess there are a couple of things to be gleaned from all this. A: looks can be deceiving, and B: i am lame. although, i give myself props for even admitting to such a private degree of lameness. during the course of our discussion, matt actually apologised for going there, but, i told him not to. i certainly didn't want to hear that from him, or anyone else, but, it's true, sooooo. my m.o. works for me. it allows me to take advantage of something i usually see as an impediment. i dunno. later....

-take it / leave it-

older entries:
when the walls come tumbling down - 2007-08-17
long weekend - 2007-05-21
gays gone wild - 2007-04-22
fried and objectified - 2007-03-13
fried and objectified - 2007-03-13