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2002-06-07 - 9:59 p.m. who you callin a bitch? - queen latifah hey, first off, LAKERS!!!!!!!!!! woo hoo!!! okay, now then, here's the deal, seems an indiscretion from my recent past is talking mad shit. i know i mentioned he told my friends about our ill advised...tanning session. but, in his version, i was thisclose to sealing the deal. apparently, i had his shorts down to his knees, and i was cleared for entry. thank god la liz brought it up, or i wouldn't even have known. THAT'S why she kept asking me about what he was packing. she thought i saw it. when she told me, "aye, papi, i didn't know you were that close", and i asked what she was talking about, she told me brents new and improved version. then, today i found out that nikki, the office gossip monger, was told a new, new version in where i did indeed do brent. when i asked where she heard that, guess what she answered? that's right, "brent told me, silly". aaarrggggg!!! i really got myself into some fucked up bullshit. i pride myself on never being the subject, or spreader of gossip. i love to hear it, but i'm not looking for it, and i'm certainly not producing, and disseminating it. and, brent, knowing full well that i'm not one to perpetuate drama, is banking on the fact that even if i do find out about these lies, i won't make a scene, hence letting him get away w/ this bullshit. that fucking pisses me off. and you know what? i AM sorta telling myself, 'well, that's what you get, dick'. i did bring it on myself. i forgot the most elementary of rules: keep your hands to yourself. so, i'm super pist, but, at who? brent, or myself? btw, he's as sweet as can be around me. he squeezes my shoulder when he walks past. sits next to me in the break room. that's what gets me...what's w/ the lies? i mean, what's the point, you know? i don't get it. i did cross the line w/ him, and i got semi sexual w/ him, but i never almost fucked him, and when i came to my senses, he was perfectly cool w/ it. he wasn't like, "c'mon, just do it", or anything. he didn't try to talk me into it, or get me to go through w/ anything. so, what's w/ the backpeddling bullshit? i just don't get it. i'm so goddam stupid, i know. you don't even have to tell me. although feel free if you feel the need. yes, i'm the subject of a lie, but it's a situation that i brought upon myself, soooo...i don't know, you know? oh, and just for the record, i'm not looking for sympathy, compassion, or to cry on anyones shoulder. i'm just putting out here, cuz i'm frustrated. sorry. also, i haven't told matt, and i think i should, but what do i say? how do i bring it up? matt doesn't have much interaction w/ my co-workers, but, in the name of keeping no secrets, i feel i should mention it. should i? as janeane garofalo so succinctly put it in reality bites, "dude, i'm in trouble"....goodnight |
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