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2002-05-13 - 11:26 p.m.
the man with the plan

hey,

i was so grouchy at work today. i won't get into it, but suffice it to say, it was purely the fault of others. let me just ask one thing, if one of your coworkers is on probation, or whatever, then how come that fucks up my "flava"? why am i working later because this guy can't behave himself? i have to close all week because this douchebag has his communtiy service fuckall during the day, or as i like to refer to it, my usually scheduled shifts. bleh!! whatever. whiny portion complete. my eight year anniversary is this week. i can't believe that. i'm thinking of staying another coupla years, then bailing. i'll be fully vested, and a nice chunk o' change in my 401k, stocks, etc. i'll only be 30, and if i can get in somewhere else halfway decent like my current place of employment, i'll work there til retirement, and i'll have two pensions come retirement time. i know that anything can happen, and "job security" is virtually meaningless, nowadays...but, that's my humble stragety. okay, what is it with people who don't have jobs always fucking having pot? it never fucking fails. don't even ask me why i ask. it's just something i've noticed. when i got home this evening, my neighbor invited me to soak in the spa. is it a spa, or a hot tub? i guess "hot tub" evokes cheesy images of snorting coke off the bodacious ta ta's of bimbos...or something. so, i gratefully accepted, and her husband even joined us. wowser!! he's actually a pretty nice fella. i don't know what it is to be a "straight guy", so i don't really understand the psychotic fervor with which they obssess about gay guys hitting on them, or whatever. anyways, we got to talking, like REALLY talking, and i asked him why that was. he said most guys aren't really that worried about it. so, i asked, why is it that when homosexuality in any context is brought up, most guys start wretching, and going on, and on about how disgusting it is. he said it's just the herd mentality thing. like, you almost feel like you have to, or you'll seem....."like a fag", i offered. he looked very embarrased, and apologised for his lame explanation, and said he realized there is no 'good' excuse. if he were a better friend, one i could fuck around with, i woulda told him to 'suck my dick', and all would be forgiven. however, i don't think we're quite there...yet. you know what bugs me? the fact that a lot of people assume i have an inordinate amount of money compared to them. WHY? because i'm gay? have no kids? have a decent job (which i stuck w/ in good times, and bad, and worked my way up at, and put up w/ my share of bullshit at)? i get asked for money...often. too often. if i said yes to everyone, i'd seriously be broke, and then who would bail me out? that's right, nobody. i'm sorry, but i can't say yes to everyone. then i get mad because then i feel guilty, and bad, and i wonder what "they" are thinking about me. i've had it happen a coupla times where i hear that the "asker" says some shit like, "i KNOW he has the money", or, "he could if he wanted to". i'm like, hey asshole, you could too if you stuck to a job for more than a coupla months..or weeks, no matter how much it "sucks", or how much of an "asshole" the boss is. yes, it sucks, and some bosses are assholes, but, righteous indignation, overblown ego, and gross sense of entitlement do not pay the bills, y'all. i did not go to college. i have one cousin..ONE, who did, for a coupla years at least, until my aunt and uncle couldn't afford to anymore. we were not brought up to prepare for college. or expected to go. my family was like: find a 'good paying' job, work hard, and save your money. not get good grades, continue your schooling, and make something of yourself. listen, i love my parents very much. i hope i'm not making them out to be some backwards hicks. i guess it's hard to talk about college, and the merits of higher education, when none of them did it, and wouldn't know what to say, you know? it's just that now my brother is on the college track, and my parents are so involved, and i am actually angry at them. i resent it. i'm going to communtiy college when time allows, and i'm getting my shit together slowly...but, i can't help but wonder how much better, and different things would/could be if they had been that involved when i was younger. i've heard that when you are the oldest, you're kinda like the test kid, and mistakes will be made, and that's just the way it goes. i understand that, but...whatever. i don't do crying over spilt milk...or...at least...i try not to. goodnight

-take it / leave it-

older entries:
when the walls come tumbling down - 2007-08-17
long weekend - 2007-05-21
gays gone wild - 2007-04-22
fried and objectified - 2007-03-13
fried and objectified - 2007-03-13

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