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2002-05-12 - 9:53 p.m. i believe in love...but it don't believe in me...old 97's dear diary-uh, (hee hee) so...what a weekend. what a feeling...take your passion...and make it happen...oh, i'm channeling irene cara again...my bad. um...friday: took my baby bruddah, and his friend, to hollywood to see, 'dogtown and z boys'. it's this great documentary about the original fathers of modern skateboarding as we know it. looooong before tony hawk, and the rest. fantastic. two nipples up and out. i was back in town by 8:30ish, so i packed a bag, and slept at 'youknowwhos'. lots of cockgobbling sexiosity. saturday: worked because my boss saw fit to give the entire free world this particular weekend off. it was busy, stressful, and lots of fun. then, i babysat my nephews. OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was the first time i had babysat them both. my parents had a 50th wedding anniversary dinner/dance thing, and my sister, and her boyfriend went to bachelor/bachelorette parties for my cousin who's getting married in a couple of weeks, and his finace. so, i recruited my brother, and we had lots of fun...not. now, i'm no baby virgin. being ten years older than my sister, and fifteen years older than my brother, i changed diapers, made bottles, burped babies, and all the rest. i guess it's just been awhile. also, my oldest nephew was the easiest kid to take care of. he never cried, and was always smiling, and happy. my younger nephew is a little screamer. my sister was like, "they're usually asleep between 8:30-9:00". try about 11. i felt so bad. my older nephew kept walking to my front door, saying "mama", and looking like the saddest kid alive, and my 5 month old nephew was just screaming his head off, as i walked him all over the house. he was so upset. it made me want to cry...sorta. i kept telling myself, 'don't get all paranoid, cuz then they'll sense it, and never fall asleep'. kids can smell fear. oh well, they finally fell asleep...like 5 minutes apart, sweartagod. i was exhausted. i felt like a failure. i kept telling myself, 'they shoulda been asleep ages ago'. what a flop. as i sat on my sofa, and watched two of the most precious gifts in my life sleep like angels, i thought, jesus fucking christ- i couldn't do this everyday, no way. i mean, if you have to, then you have to, but, there's just no way that i could handle a kid, let alone two. so, i give my sister props. she had them too damn young, and she had 'em w/ a loser, but, she takes care of them, and she doesn't leave them w/ my parents, or me often. my mom says she can count the number of times on one hand. i know alot of girls who have kids, and they never have them. i'm talking girls my age. they're always dressed all cute, and at the bars, and parties, and it's like, 'hey, i'm a mother, but i still have a life'. i feel like saying, 'but that's where you're wrong, dearheart. their life IS your life. or at least it should be. hey, i don't have kids, and given my lifestyle, i very well may never have any, but...i know that kids are lots of work, and if you're bringing 'em into the world, then goddamit, you better be in for the long haul, or don't fucking bother. this whole being a parent when it's convenient bullshit has to stop. AND I SINGLE HANDEDLY VOW TO PUT AN END TO IT!! BECAUSE I AM...FULL OF SHIT MAN!! sorry, i'll get off my soapbox now. but, i am right. (couldn't resist). today, matt went to his madre's, and i stayed here in "smalltown". we had breakfast this morning at my cousins restaraunt. my aunt made biscuits & gravy, and of course, we had MENUDO. it's so delicious with cilantro, and onion. matt called to let me know he was home, and that today was horrible, like he expected, and now he unanxiously awaits the next mandatory visit. "mandatory visit", sounds like a prison term, huh? i guess for some, family is like a prison sentence...no possibility for parole...for life. goodnight |
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