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2002-05-02 - 12:00 a.m. square pegs, square pegs, square, square, pegs. always never quite right. square pegs, square pegs, square, square, pegs. i'd like it if they liked us, but i don't think they like us...the waitresses "your weather is decieving" - this girl i work with who's originally from florida hi, does anyone actually watch those "wild on.." specials on the e channel? just curious. my nephews came for a visit today. everytime i see them, i basically fall in love with them all over again. i see them about once a week, but, it's just like everything they do is genius, and cute, and funny, and blah, blah, blah. i will refrain from further gushing, because i know how annoying it is. i just love them very much. let's see, work was horrendously hideously horrid. all the processors took a shit, and we were at a standstill. my supervisor just kept repeating, "we're down. we're down". it was semi hilarious. i felt like asking if we were sinking, titanic style, but, i resisted the urge. then i went to my dealer, to get my oil changed, and it took an hour, and they didn't even wash my car. this kid who lives up the street from me just happens to work there, so he said he'd tell them i complained, and he'd try to get my next oil change for free. also, i can take my car back tomorrow, and they'd wash it then. it really didn't even occur to me to ask why they didn't just wash it then, and there. come to think of it, i brought my car in, and dealt w/ one guy, then a girl came, and told me they were drying my car, and i could pay the cashier, so i pay, and when i walk outside, my dirty car is sitting there, and my neighbor tells me about getting the freebie, and coming back for the wash. i'm just realizing how strange that all was.....hmmm. i was so fucking fried, i didn't even bother to ask, or think to ask. i called matt, and told him to just let me mold in peace, and that i'd call him tomorrow. why are basketball shoes so goddam ugly? and expensive. i can't believe people pay through the nose for such butt ugly shoes. i'm topic jumping. keep up. i think this weekend we are supposed to go out for my mom's bday. i was invited to dinner by a girl i work w/ for her bday, but when i said i'd go, i knew for a fact that there was no way. isn't that fucked up? the fact that i'm gonna use my mothers bday as my reason not to go is even more fucked up. fucked up, but foolproof. what fucknut is gonna give you shit for blowing off their bday for your mothers? crazy?....like a fox!! i know i'm tired when fuck is every second word out of my mouth. so, fuckkityfuckkityfuckfuck. i half wish matt was here, or i was there. since i don't work tomorrow, i could be having sex right now, and all night, and in the morning. it's terrible, how you don't date or whore around for awhile, and you just get used to not having sex, but the second you get a steady sexual outlet, and you don't have access to it for a day or two, you're looking for the gun shop, and the nearest belltower. just for the record, i don't think of matt as a steady sexual outlet. god, didn't that sound terrible? plug it in..plug it in!! but, you know what i mean. anyway, i hope we go out to dinner for my mom. the girl who's party i don't want to go to is a girl i used to work w/ very closely. she told me ALL of her personal problems. she never shut up. then, she would utter the most full of shit line in the book, "if you ever need to talk to someone, i'll always be here for you". now, how can we ever talk about me when she never stops talking about herself? it got to the point where, she said something like, "you probably hate me for always telling you my problems", and i was like, "well, now that you mention it...". i made her cry. i had just had enough. it's like i've said before, 'just because i'm not talking, doesn't mean i want you to'. meholdingthingsin+peopletakingadvantageofme=medealingonyoueventually. it's never pretty, but it's necessary. i can be selfish, and mean too, and i'm sooo much better at it than the average bear. so, this girl stopped talking to me...for like two fucking seconds. i think the poor dear realized, i couldn't care less one way or the other. when someone knows that they need you way more than you need them, and they come crawling anyway, i lose any, and all respect i had for them. i'll hurt like fucking hell, but, i'll be godfuckingdamned if i'm gonna let you see it, you know? i've been hurt, and lied to, and used, just like everybody else, but i won't let these fucking wastes of space have the satisfaction of crying for them, or begging anyone for, 'one more chance', or whatever fucking horseshit. i'm not the strongest guy in the world, or the hardest. (i cry at hallmark commercials...sometimes. if you saw the one w/ the lonely old neighbor lady, you'd cry too, you heartless fuck). but, i think it boils down to self respect, at least on some level. just love yourself enough to know when to not go running after the person you're not even fucking happy w/, and other stupid things like that, okay? goodnight, he man. |
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