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2002-04-15 - 12:18 a.m. it's beauty was sucking me in like a vacuum from the fourth dimension - some stoned guy. i've been thinking,(you mean for a change?). is it really possible that i am the only gay person in my family? i come from a mexican family, sooooo that means there are a lot of people in it, and i am the ONLY one? it's kinda hard to believe. here's the thing, i'm 99.999% sure that i am. everyone else has a girl/boyfriend of the opposite sex, and my gaydar (if you buy into that sorta thing-which i do) is damn near flawless. i have this one aunt who has never been married, and doesn't date. so she could be it. but, i'm talking cousins, like someone closer to my age. it would just be nice, you know? my family is cool, and of course i have my friends, but at family gatherings it would be nice. matt's mom doesn't even know he is gay. his pops hasn't been in the picture for most of his life, so he doesn't count. when he took me to his mom's i was his "friend", and when it was time for bed, well, it was sofa city, sweetheart. i was semi bothered, but more than anything it made me appreciate my familia. yet, i'm still bitching,(you mean for a change?). being gay is like a full time job sometimes. and, i wish i could just feel comfortable. at least i'm reasonably sure that no matter what side i butter my bread on, i'd still be uncomfortable in my own skin. yay me? i love guys though. i do. matt is scalding hot. white hot. he reminds me of bob burnquist. |
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he's a pro skater. when i tell him this, he practically scoffs. bob b. is the nuts. totally cute, and sexy as hell. i love guys w/ brown hair, and eyes. i guess coz it's not the standard issue golden haired, blue eyed, socal dude. not that there is anything wrong w/ the above mentioned look. nothing at all. so, just to piss him off, i call matt, "bob". i call my brother, andrew, "andrew w.k." i'm sorry, but that song is horrid. "party hard" - hardly! but, i digress, (you mean for a change?). so, mando is moving up in the world. he is a financial advisor. the people in his company think that he's about 5 years older than he actually is. don't ask me how he managed that. he probably still only has to shave maybe twice a week. he says that he will come "home" every weekend to see tafkaj. i hope he does. i seriously do. the four of us went out to dinner tonight, and it was nice. i was surrounded by guys i had fucked. i felt like a stud-KIDDING! only kidding. matt knows how i feel towards mando. he doesn't mind when i grab his thigh, and whisper something in his ear. he knows that we'd never do anything foolish. i'm not a cheater. i'm not saying i've never cheated, but by and large i'm not. i can't even imagine cheating on matt. gosh, i really love this kid. it's still a sorta scary thought. he bought me some cool jeans, and i sort of insanely love them. i told him not to buy me any more clothes though, coz he buys me expensive clothes, and i feel uncomfortable about that. i'm not gonna say what brand they are, but trust me, i know they cost more than i would ever spend. he's like, "i can't help where i shop" "no, but you don't have to buy me anything, and if you can't help yourself, you know where to find a target, or an old navy" it doesn't always have to be j. crew, or banana republic, or wherever. for him it's fine. he's a big boy, he can shop where he likes. he makes enough money to do as he pleases. but, i'm just a simple girl, w/ modest tastes. i don't want to seem unappreciative, and i told him so. he just laughed, and said he thinks it's "cute" when i refuse his gifts. i told him i wouldn't take the jeans, and he said i had to coz he lost the reciept. so i took them and put them in his overnight bag, and said, "then YOU keep 'em". but, tonight after he left, and i was going through my closet to pick out what i'm gonna wear tomorrow, there they were. bastard! the sneaky, sweet, lovable bastard....goodnight
p.s. mad shouts to my o.g.(old gay) homo's, i mean, homies.