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2002-03-20 - 2:39 p.m. Having dinner at matt�s tonight. I bought him the cutest boxers at old navy today. I think that I�m gonna stay over, so I have to hurry, and finish stuff that I need done so that I can have it done for work tomorrow. Did that make sense? I was at the mall today, and this girl comes up to me at the coffee shop place, and says, �this town is so lame. Where are you from?� I�m like, �here� and she�s all, �oh, I�m sorry. I thought you were from l.a. or somewhere. You look like you are� now, I don�t know exactly what that means, but, I guess it�s a compliment? I have been asked where I am from �originally� so many times in my life by so many different people. I don�t know why I seem so different to other people. So obviously different. It sorta makes me uncomfortable. I am actually sorta shy. I hate that word. But, I kind of am. Whatever. anyway, I don�t like to draw attention to myself. I�m not the guy who is gonna walk up to strangers at parties, and introduce myself. I flinch when people come near me sometimes. I have had to deal w/ being thought of as a stuck up asshole because I can�t just be at ease, and be friendly to strangers, or people I�m not comfortable around. I think that my looks don�t help much either. I�m attractive. (Oh god, I�m such a tool) but, people treat me a certain way sometimes, and I know that�s why. Everybody loves a pretty package. And, I enjoy being unwrapped sometimes. I don�t know the exact point of this, I just wish that people would get over lame things. I was, well ok, that girl in the mall, after she said, she thought I was from wherever or whatever. I just sorta said, �um..no� and she said� �gawd, sorry for bothering you� then she went back to her friends and they glared at me, giving me dirty looks. This is exactly what I�m talking about. If people would just mind their own goddam fucking business then stuff like this wouldn�t happen. I�m sorry, but fuck. I�m not a bad person. I�m sorry that I�m not the type that would be like, �hey pretty lady. What�s your name?� besides the fact that I�m a �mo. I couldn�t do that to a guy either. Ugh..ksdkjsdhdfhsdkjdsdlkfjsdkjsdjsddfjkldf I hate being so overly sensitive, or paranoid, or just some crybaby jerkoff. And I promised myself that I wouldn�t use this to just bitch, and complain. That�s so unimaginative. Oh, well. I�m intelligent, but, my heart often overrules my head. That�s one of the things matt says he loves about me. god bless that kid. Bye�..... |
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